khilafku

byk khilaf, salah, dosa..dan seangkatan dgnnya..
soalan ada 60 tp jwb 50 je..
remuk redam rasenye..
sy bljr, bkn xbljr..wpon byk xhafal..
tp xjwb 10soalan tu sgt beratttt...
Allahhh...

sy xsuke diskus jwpn...apatah lg tlalu byk cuainya...
sy tak suke ingat benda yg lepas dan sgt x menyenangkan..
sy mau positif..dan krn itu sy bperang sendiri...dgn emosi n rasional..
Allahh...

hr ni sy masak bubur..
akhirnye buat jugak bubur kacang ni..lame tangguh sbb xjumpe daun pandan..
huhu..alhamdulillah..tcapai hajat..

hmm..
sy hanya yakin akan ketentuanNya...
sy hanya bserah padaNya...
maka saya x nak letak harapan setinggi langit..
sy mahu sedia utk redha, sabar, pasrah n bsyukur ats sgl nya..
semua boleh dirancang..
tp yg menentukan akhirnya ttp DIa..
keyakinan ini, kepercayaan ini....smg membawa bahagia dunia akhirat.
aamin ya rabb..

@-@

Sometimes in life, we just have to tolerate to things we don't like..
things that makes u depressed,
things that r annoying,
things that makes u sad,
and things that even makes u cry within..

expressing anger just make things worst,
keeping silent kills the soul inside,
blinded fold the eye makes u lost,
and acting is just a lie to cover the emotions inside..

i hardly expressed what i feel,
but when i do, its like a joke ..
laugh as though u don't care
n makes me feels like i have no rights to say

my silents is a clue to unsatisfactory,
the intervals where i cool myself down,
and the stage anytime of the day..
u can see a lion roaring in the house..

my weakness is within myself..
i could not expressed what i feel easily..
please don't take it as an advantage
u may one day loose a friend with a care heart n soul..

^_^

lemau

semalam keje saya tido n tido n tidoooo..
bjaga utk solat je...baca buku skit n tido..
serius badan jd lemau.
xtahu la asal rase nak tido je wpon xmengantuk.
ade sst yg xtak terluah n xtlepas dr hati...
tdo...dgn hrpan lps bgun smuanya telah hilang..entah teori mana pakai.
hilang ke? semakin kot..
sisanya masih ada.
masa yg blalu mungkin akan padamkan smuanya.
hopefully. permudahkan ya Allah...
astaghfirullahal'azim.....amin

smlm gk sy xmakan apa2 sgt...kuih2 for bkfast n biskut2 je mlmnya..
knp? knp? sbb sy tdo n tdo je. btol, smlm mmg hr tdo yg super duper kronik.
teruk. ya, mmg sgt sgt sgt teruk.

sy menghitung hari nk blik...nk tgk wajah2 mama, abah, adik beradik, nenek, arif chan..
nk tgk mereka sgt3! dgr suara n tgk sgt berbezaaaaaaa..
huhu...makin rindu....rindu yg amat...
bsama family gk lg safe...
tp hidup kena survive sdiri..kne hadapi plbgai ujian sdiri...
sbb tu kena bgantung segalanya pada DIa kan..
kdg2 sy lupa dan lalai...dan itu mbuatkan saya takut utk bdepan dgn ujian hidup.
Astagfirullah..

sringkali mulut nk luahkan apa yg tpendam...tp tertahan dgn bisikan naluri sendiri.
sabar, pasrahkan segalanya pada Allah.
DIa Maha kuasa..Maha Mengetahui..
yakinlah, jie! yakinlah dgn seyakin-yakinnya....
huh

-j1e-

@_@

istighfar.
tido.
menyebalkan tp ia tetap ujian.
rase nk tepon abah. tp xpelaa..xpenting pn.
bykkn istighfar...
mengadu kat DIA je cukup.
Maha MEndengar, Maha Mengetahui, Maha Kuasa.
ia sesuatu yg bukan ape2 tp menyedihkan saya.
rase berdosa sgt. sgt. sgt.
ya..mmg byk pon dosa.
astagfirullahal'azim..........

sblm tlmbt

mtk maaf slg masih ada masa.

argh..smlm tgk cite 'sebelum akhirat'..
a gud story i think.
awalnye agk seram cz watak setan tu mcm 'bestt' jer,,huhu
cite ttg azab org byk dosa mase tgh nazak..perghhhh
then die flashback ape dosa2 die..
jd ceti haram..
bt rmai ppuan preggy..n pujuk smua utk gugurkn..
derhaka kt mak ayah...--> part ni mmg kuang hajar laa..

n after watching it...eventually i tried to analyze myself..
i do love my parents..yes..tp dlu2 wktu muda remaja gile2..mood xbetol je slalu..
mcm prnh laa hurt their feelings..i knw dat..huh
mtk maaf mmg la prnh tp kalo msh ade kesan2 di hati mereka..how??
sigh..
tp hidup mesti diteruskan dgn mhargai waktu skrg..
slg masih ada masa ni, kena laa bbakti kpd mereka..buat mrk gembira..
insyaAllah..

dats y sumtimes when my life was really upside down..i tried my best to keep my probs away from them..
though i needed them sooooooooo much.
i wanna cry on their shoulders..pour my heart out..but i just cant do that.
i wanna them hear from me all about happy stories..
i dont wanna burden my nonsense probs to them...
though i knw they r very open to that..
i hv jz been trying to be tough enuf ..if i will be left alone one day...who knws, ryte..
....

i think i shud keep dat matter as a secret.
in  islamic teaching, spreading it to others is not necessary at all..
yet if anybody ask, for sure i will tell the truth.....
i jz dont wanna have a special title among ppl i knw esp..coz it is jz a tooooooooo beginning..
n the main reason...avoiding fitnah!


-j1e-

d0wn

start practice dh cramp kt paha.
dh laa xde mood nk gi main td...serius!
yg lain2 plak main cm xnk stop.
dlm kepala PH n modul xberes lg...ujian khamis.

x...saya tak mengeluh pun. cuma menceritakan kisah hari ini.
bila mana tiada keikhlasan nk bt sesuatu...mcm xbrp nk jd la..pengajaran k.
mula2 xde mood. tngu org lain 20min. then bile main kaki tetibe cramp(tp org xnk caye...=( ) main nk lamerrr..
otw blik dpt msg utk tgs PH. discusn part xsentuh lg.

yaa...sibuk itu bagus jg..mmg.
tp sy tgh 'down'.
plus cuak tngu match sabtu nti.

pepon satu je yg penting....
mujurlah masih ada DIA.

-j1e-

random

xpaham la itu olang..
kalo x kenal aa..tak payah add maa..
wa talak suka chatting2 dgn olang wa talak kenal..aiyyooo
lu siap bagi profile lu apa hal..wa talak minat maa..
ingat wa ni company jobseekers ka?
eh, lu bukan olang cina pon kan..haha..knp wa ckp slang cina aaa?
hahaha...lu ada dalah jepun ka? sejibik mcm olang sana..
lu pon blaja sana...kebetulan btoll..hahha

iskk..ade ek software yg blh dpt billion emails..??
dah org ko xkenal buat paaaaaaaa??
xyah laa add sayeeeeeeeee...hampehs.

line slow..kt griya cm lg bagus je...serius..
jeles org lain blh tgk thomas cup on9....haishhhhhhhh
frust! smpi lapar n nk mkn mcm2 plk..

nsb baik adamaya blh dload..hahaha
krg sket kekecewaanku ini..;P

-j1e-

me Vs myself

susah gilerrrrrr melawan keinginan yg melonjak2...
i mean....i love sports soooooooo muchhhhhhh..
sgt sgt sgt.
but here...i jz cant do it.
mase main handball hari tu pon..sbb tahu xde org main..
n i tot, ok skit kot main kt fk...(tp actly mmg x ok ponn :( )
tgk org main futsal td...isk...rase nk masuk je main same..waaaaaaaaa
ujian btol..nak2 ade je org duk tny sane sini..'x main...nape?'
saye x pandai la wakkk...- kalo jwb ni psti org xpuas ati kan..
so better jwb cmni....nti org team lain kalah teruk, kesian plak..hahaha
for sure org menyampah nk tny lg..wakakakkak...
hurmmm..n im thinking of playing bdminton..haishh..nak ke x eyhh?
sy dah la malas blaja skrg...pe nak jadi ntah..byk kene cover tp tak tercover..
wake up plzzzzzzzzz! if u r willing to be a doc, WORK HARD!!!!! plz, plz, plz....

yeah..many times in our lives, we must sacrifice many things to achieve sumthing much more important..
i wanna follow my heart...kuatlah wahai hati...kuatlah...

-j1e-

itulah cerita saya...

dah lama abah kata kalau nk balik, balik jer..
tp saya pikir xnk bolos kelas n nk tunggu btol2 cuti..
but, ada smthing terjadi pada khamis waktu zohor arituh masa saya taking a nap..
scary a bit, then saya mula berfikir untuk balik..
waktu tuh satu rumah tgh tido except rose..seb baik die xkuar ag..
so, saya ikut die kuar n saya lepak kat rumah abir...

Abir cakap 'ko balik je la'...
tp masa tuh saya still menimbangkan keputusan untuk balik..
after abir n puvana nek travel, saya terpaksa la kuar sekali dr rumah tuh..
yg penting, xnk balik rumah...keseorng di bawah especially in MY ROOM adalah pengalaman yg menakutkan..

so, saya jejalan di sekeliling kampus sambil menunggu latihan futsal bermula....
n saya tertinggal my sandal kat kampus...so, sekarang xd sandal..aduhaii..

semlm, Jumaat 7 May, saya tanya rose sempat tak klu nk wat surat rekomendasi skng..
then, i called my mom n dad, both of them xkisah if saya balik...abah saya msg 'u always welcome'..hohoho... Abah kata balikla, flight abah hari sabtu...ek eleiii bru abah nk bg taw.. mmg 'abah'!

balik dr rumah sakit n kampus menguruskan TA, saya terus book tiket..total Rp2.155k...mahal lak aii...tp saya nak balik jugak...xtahan nk duduk dlm MY ROOM...saya selalu mengacau housemate saya, lepak kat bilik diorng...especially Rose..dah bape mlm dok tido ngan die..
semlm Rose demam, so saya xnk kaco die berehat, terus saya lepak tido kat rumah Sarah...hasilnya, kami berdua jatuh sakit...i have no idea...mayb 2-2 pon hot!haha...sara n sarah hawt yo!!

harinih saya demam, so saya berehat sepanjang hari di bilik Rose juga...haha..xhabis2 mengacau orang..per nk wat...

balik nnt bru nak cerita kat mak n abah, especially cerita hari Khamis di waktu Zohor itu...huhu..

k chaw
-sara-

passive day

sabar.ok.
dats the only way i found.
i wanted to go for badminton selection - cudnt make it.
somthing wrong with my body for the whole day..even until now.
loss of appetite oso..plus im scared of vomiting..--> really dont like this!
this 'masuk angin' prob jz forced me to alienate myself in my room.
i cant eat...coz i dunno whether the food is gooooooood enuf or not for my condition.
i jz dont wanna vomit evertyhing out..argh
sabar. ok.

now, downloading adnan sempit.
jz watched epi 19 of adamaya.
how stupid dat maya for betraying her angelic husband..
sakit jiwa raga jugak tgk. geram.
suami mcm tu kira dayus gk sbnrnye..biar isteri buat maksiat.
tp tu laa..crite drama kan..huhu

sometimes i have a thought of going back soon..
but my TA is kinda a matter to consider more.
i wish i can finish the TA thing faster.
then going back.
but i didnt tell my parents yet bout this.
nanti tny pasal lain plak...huuuuuuuuuuu
coz im scared! huh.xnak pikir boleh..??
bukan laa bmaksud kena paksa ke...tp cuma cuak n takut.
tp mmg laa..when that matter reaches a serious point, mind cud b haunted by many ridiculous thoughts..
so whatever evil ideas come..i jz keep praying to HIM for His guidance..

every step we take is accompanied by risks..
no matter what we do, there is always at least a risk.
so if we wanna do something, juz do it!
ppl will talk or judge...so wat?
as long as we follow the right path according to quran n sunnah.
ppl will stop talking n leave us.
yes, listen to them but then we should analyze everything.
good ones - mum them.
bad ones - throw away.n dont make it haunts our lives.

im trying to be as 'slambe' as guys manage to be.
haha..kinda cool actly..u listen, u dont like, jz forget it.
u do mistake, admit it, sincerely apologize. settle.
x serabut kepala. org lain naik nk emo bkn hal kite.
n i wanna talk less. coz it leads to less mistake perhaps..

another new resolution . diam n sabar.forgive n forget.

-j1e-

Cebisan hati

Jiwa Hanyut

Mindaku lelah

Diasak ragam dunia

Jiwaku kering

Wajahku gundah

Harungi hari

Tanpa hati

Mana hatiku pergi?

Aku juga tidak pasti

Mungkin hanyut

Bersama ombak

Yang membawa jiwa

Selularku pergi..

nukilan : sara @ ayien

3 Mei 2010

Jam 14.27

haishh....heartless beberapa hari nih, kehilangan hp..

camera n hp gone!

both of them from my dad...

kesian la my dad...adeii...

-sara-

12345 im still learning

there's so many obstacles in life that some i could not think wisely and predict my action..

and I'm sorry if I've done any mistakes ..

act!

 Ya Allah..
feeling miserable..
n im listening to maher zain's songs..arh..just worsen my sadness..
lately i always think bout wat im doing..i nvr knw when is the end of my life..
poor me...seems i hv done nothing for ISlam! omg...
im struggling to face many colours of ppl here..yet i have to make a move for my deen..
most of the times, i think of walking alone...thru the road i believe can bring myself closer to HIM..
i wanna run n never care bout others who may need me..
it's called selfish!

imagine everyone is trapped in a very dark cave, n suddenly sum1 see dim light from unknown source..
dat person tell others, 'frens, i think we will be safe soon, i can see the light somewhere there in front..'
all other exhausted ppl r very lightened up to hear that, but since they cant see the light,
they r just hoping for it to be real one...they trust their frens but to work hard on searching the light source is not what they do..hoping n believing..no action..jz let that only fellow find..
n when this fren wanna walk or run or anything to reach the light faster,
only frustation accompany the hope..
'leave them in the dark or hold their hands tightly n bring them together ahead..?'
time is limited enuf...the longer time they stuck in the cave, the lesser oxygen they hv to share with each other..
so....is hard rite for that fellow..being selfish, or die hopelessly in the cave with the others..

life is tooo short..tooo short to just keep thinking of being better one but no steps taken by right now!
it seems we r hoping n praying yet staying with the current path..how sad...coz life is tooo short..
why we r soooooooo confident that next second or minutes we can still breathe in His air..
we never ever know...never...

read bout the 15-yr-old boy who had been shot dead...
its hard to imagine how bad is the agony of his parents, frens, teachers n everyone who used to know him well.

when we lost sum1 we know/love/like all of a sudden..in a blink of an eye!!!..Allahu Akbar...
from HIm we came, to Him we will return..
i hope...really2 hope it will never happen in my life..please God..that is such very unbearable...

i think if i cant hold certain ppl's hands thruout the better road...i have to move on alone and perhaps..grab others' whom i can reach to..

life must go on..yes..but must be according to a better route..
NOW or NEVER~~!

-j1e-

why? u alone knew it...

y u can be like that?

y they can be like that?

y i can be like this?

n can't be like that?

they kick aside of you..

u should be understand

and just watch them from outside their line..

come on...

be a gentle, warm, nice person

sometimes beeing a blurr person is also good enough

to avoid the pathetic feeling of life..

y i can feel like this

because i appreciate people surrounds me

eventhough they forgot about me..

pathetic life ryte..

but just let them be..

n let's enjoy ur pathetic life..

-ayien-

fried-day

im feeling tired..yet im not in a positive mood.
scare. worry. sad. confuse. ...of this, that and anything or many things..isk

went to pasar besar with my fren 2day...
yes, i hv made my plan became true..- shopping after exam!!! - even ur prev results were sucks!
n matahari is having SALE ryt now..all the very-nice-to-look-but-expensive shirts are being cut off to half cheaper than b4...so, we grabbed here n there as if our parents are gabenor bank dunia! hahah

there was a time when my fren 'lost' me in the middle of typical-women-who-are-mostly-hard-core-shopholics crowd..n she supprised me with an announcement sounded like - 'kepada hazirah, pelanggan setia matahari dari sigura-gura,...bla...bla..bla...kaunter informasi...'
n then again...n think once more after that..
i was just like.................whatttttt???!
hahhahahahhahhahahahahahahahahha.....
how laarr...how she could decide to go to infomasi n said...teman saya hilang...!??
hahhahahahha...u was damn funny, dear...haihhh
nice practical joke nway...LOL

hmm...so y i said some things r bothering me, huh???!
ntah laaaaarrrrrrrrrrr......bulan nak mengambang kot...pelik2 jadinya pikir..;P
let just Allah know..its better i think..
ermmmmmmmmmm....

well, tadi borak2 psl life..
how sad we r when sometimes we really need to be hypocrite, ignorance, selfish and so on..in our lives..
yes, its true! this is what we call life! most of us just dont wanna to show our true colours to others (of course we cant cheat The Creator).. mgkin nak jaga hubungan baik sesama mnsia...mgkin utk kepentingan peribadi tertentu...dan mungkin apa shj...yg mbuatkan org xde pilihan atau sengaja memilih utk bertopeng utk seketika/selama mana yg dia mahu...

n we came to a conclusion, doesnt matter how much thick of double-sided-face we have to have; just being nice to ppl, thinking at good sides bout everyone, working our best to be a very kind person...all...anything..just nice n good ones!! ;)
life is toooooooooooo short to claim ourselves as uncertified judges or lawyers..
It's His part. dont ever interfere.. chill, chill!

nytezzzzzzz..

oh wait...selamat hari pekerja...
cesssssssssssss ;P

-j1e-