khilafku

byk khilaf, salah, dosa..dan seangkatan dgnnya..
soalan ada 60 tp jwb 50 je..
remuk redam rasenye..
sy bljr, bkn xbljr..wpon byk xhafal..
tp xjwb 10soalan tu sgt beratttt...
Allahhh...

sy xsuke diskus jwpn...apatah lg tlalu byk cuainya...
sy tak suke ingat benda yg lepas dan sgt x menyenangkan..
sy mau positif..dan krn itu sy bperang sendiri...dgn emosi n rasional..
Allahh...

hr ni sy masak bubur..
akhirnye buat jugak bubur kacang ni..lame tangguh sbb xjumpe daun pandan..
huhu..alhamdulillah..tcapai hajat..

hmm..
sy hanya yakin akan ketentuanNya...
sy hanya bserah padaNya...
maka saya x nak letak harapan setinggi langit..
sy mahu sedia utk redha, sabar, pasrah n bsyukur ats sgl nya..
semua boleh dirancang..
tp yg menentukan akhirnya ttp DIa..
keyakinan ini, kepercayaan ini....smg membawa bahagia dunia akhirat.
aamin ya rabb..

@-@

Sometimes in life, we just have to tolerate to things we don't like..
things that makes u depressed,
things that r annoying,
things that makes u sad,
and things that even makes u cry within..

expressing anger just make things worst,
keeping silent kills the soul inside,
blinded fold the eye makes u lost,
and acting is just a lie to cover the emotions inside..

i hardly expressed what i feel,
but when i do, its like a joke ..
laugh as though u don't care
n makes me feels like i have no rights to say

my silents is a clue to unsatisfactory,
the intervals where i cool myself down,
and the stage anytime of the day..
u can see a lion roaring in the house..

my weakness is within myself..
i could not expressed what i feel easily..
please don't take it as an advantage
u may one day loose a friend with a care heart n soul..

^_^

lemau

semalam keje saya tido n tido n tidoooo..
bjaga utk solat je...baca buku skit n tido..
serius badan jd lemau.
xtahu la asal rase nak tido je wpon xmengantuk.
ade sst yg xtak terluah n xtlepas dr hati...
tdo...dgn hrpan lps bgun smuanya telah hilang..entah teori mana pakai.
hilang ke? semakin kot..
sisanya masih ada.
masa yg blalu mungkin akan padamkan smuanya.
hopefully. permudahkan ya Allah...
astaghfirullahal'azim.....amin

smlm gk sy xmakan apa2 sgt...kuih2 for bkfast n biskut2 je mlmnya..
knp? knp? sbb sy tdo n tdo je. btol, smlm mmg hr tdo yg super duper kronik.
teruk. ya, mmg sgt sgt sgt teruk.

sy menghitung hari nk blik...nk tgk wajah2 mama, abah, adik beradik, nenek, arif chan..
nk tgk mereka sgt3! dgr suara n tgk sgt berbezaaaaaaa..
huhu...makin rindu....rindu yg amat...
bsama family gk lg safe...
tp hidup kena survive sdiri..kne hadapi plbgai ujian sdiri...
sbb tu kena bgantung segalanya pada DIa kan..
kdg2 sy lupa dan lalai...dan itu mbuatkan saya takut utk bdepan dgn ujian hidup.
Astagfirullah..

sringkali mulut nk luahkan apa yg tpendam...tp tertahan dgn bisikan naluri sendiri.
sabar, pasrahkan segalanya pada Allah.
DIa Maha kuasa..Maha Mengetahui..
yakinlah, jie! yakinlah dgn seyakin-yakinnya....
huh

-j1e-

@_@

istighfar.
tido.
menyebalkan tp ia tetap ujian.
rase nk tepon abah. tp xpelaa..xpenting pn.
bykkn istighfar...
mengadu kat DIA je cukup.
Maha MEndengar, Maha Mengetahui, Maha Kuasa.
ia sesuatu yg bukan ape2 tp menyedihkan saya.
rase berdosa sgt. sgt. sgt.
ya..mmg byk pon dosa.
astagfirullahal'azim..........

sblm tlmbt

mtk maaf slg masih ada masa.

argh..smlm tgk cite 'sebelum akhirat'..
a gud story i think.
awalnye agk seram cz watak setan tu mcm 'bestt' jer,,huhu
cite ttg azab org byk dosa mase tgh nazak..perghhhh
then die flashback ape dosa2 die..
jd ceti haram..
bt rmai ppuan preggy..n pujuk smua utk gugurkn..
derhaka kt mak ayah...--> part ni mmg kuang hajar laa..

n after watching it...eventually i tried to analyze myself..
i do love my parents..yes..tp dlu2 wktu muda remaja gile2..mood xbetol je slalu..
mcm prnh laa hurt their feelings..i knw dat..huh
mtk maaf mmg la prnh tp kalo msh ade kesan2 di hati mereka..how??
sigh..
tp hidup mesti diteruskan dgn mhargai waktu skrg..
slg masih ada masa ni, kena laa bbakti kpd mereka..buat mrk gembira..
insyaAllah..

dats y sumtimes when my life was really upside down..i tried my best to keep my probs away from them..
though i needed them sooooooooo much.
i wanna cry on their shoulders..pour my heart out..but i just cant do that.
i wanna them hear from me all about happy stories..
i dont wanna burden my nonsense probs to them...
though i knw they r very open to that..
i hv jz been trying to be tough enuf ..if i will be left alone one day...who knws, ryte..
....

i think i shud keep dat matter as a secret.
in  islamic teaching, spreading it to others is not necessary at all..
yet if anybody ask, for sure i will tell the truth.....
i jz dont wanna have a special title among ppl i knw esp..coz it is jz a tooooooooo beginning..
n the main reason...avoiding fitnah!


-j1e-