getting better, aiming the best

Bismillahirrahmaanirrahim

Alhmamdulillah..i am so thankful to Allah because i still can feel how great His gift - iman - to my soul. Alhamdulillah.

It's been a long time since i posted my last entry here. There was once i thought of quitting sharing anything in this space. But second thought asked me to stay. here i am...again

So many things have passed through out my life...a life that teach me the real meaning of patience, courage, determination, appreciation, love and etc...it would be a never ending list! because His 'nikmat' is countless.

Since i dont hold important amanah in pkpmi anymore...i truly become happier. really really really happy! this indescribable feeling keeps blooming day after day. You Know most, my Lord..It's great!

Let bygones be bygones. I want to appreciate this current happiness to the fullest and cherish the days ahead with joyful, useful, beautiful things. this is my current mission. Give me strength Ya Robb..

Once i aim for something, i know i might not be able to reach it unless He permits for it happens. But i know He always listens to my full-of-hopes dua'. I just strongly believe on takdir and whatever shape of life He creates to me. It may be unacceptable at first, but a firm faith will help a lot. insyaAllah.

'.

Hmm..lets move to most-wanted-to-hear topic - marriage.

When do you want to get married? Right after study?

You are enganged already. When do you plan to tie a real knot?

It must not be during study right? How come we get married and live far away apart? uhh..i cant do that!

..and the most funny one...my dearest friends asked me to get married faster and soon have a child..

hahahahah...it is a damn funny yet scary (i mean the last part) idea. 

It is not i don't want to have a child soon after marriage, but to be here, struggling for a MD's scroll...with upside down life in this country...owh, it seems to be ...a big 'not yet'. (*breathing deeply, holding tears so that not even a drop comes down)

If i open this door and then i will get closer to Him, there is no reason of feeling regret, but thankful!

People out there may think i am in the state of feeling in love or what so ever...Some even thought i was talking to him whenever i have phone call.. eyh, do i really mind?

yes, i do. I hate the misjudges. Not because i want everybody know how pious i am (not yet but aiming to be one.. ) but as i hate doing things that against my principles, i also don't like others to think like that about me.

ahh, principles again...as do others care huh?!

what ever..i still have to face this 'ujian'. Its ok..He Knows me most.

Though this road is rarely taken but it never reflects what kind of future promises ahead..

I'm trying my best to have very very very strong faith in Allah. Because i don't dare to oppose You, all i want is to have Your blessings all the time through out my life...forever and ever.
So, a super duper big NO to something that brings me to zina - zina hati, fikiran..etc
hati - the hardest one to control. no one can lie coz He always knows. (owh..i scare)

well, for now..we just depend on families and time for it to happen.
I keep praying for His guidance so that this is the best road taken!
It ain't easy at all. Believe me. No one wishes to spoil his/her life. So do i.

Thanks to him..for his patience and great understandings. Lets see how Allah will answer our prayers... have a pure intention Lillahi taala...insyaAllah.



-j13 -